Day of Crying!

I had to turn in my Caretaker's Report to the court today. I cried all the way to the courthouse. I'm just so frightened that Little Guy will go back to his parents! I fell like WE are his parents, not them! I know, I know, I'm being selfish, but I can't help it! And of course, by the time my husband got home from work, he could tell I was upset, so that started a whole new cry session! Plus I've been feeling lately that I'm not a REAL parent, just a foster parent, which makes me even more emotional. Yikes - you would think it's that time of the month, but it's not forgoodness sake. I'm just an emotional basket case today! Please pray for strength and peace for me - I really, really need it!

On a somewhat good note, I went to a baby shower tonight for one of the gals in my church. She's just a couple years younger than me (I'll be 35 on April 25) and she's pregnant with her first child. She's had a hard time getting pregnant, too. I took Little Guy with me, and of course all the ladies just oohed and ahhed over him. And then a couple of the gals from church said, "how come there hasn't been a baby shower for you?" I just shrugged and said, "well, I'm not going to TELL someone they HAVE to have a shower for me." But one of the gals said, "well, if you can't, I certainly can!". So maybe they will have one for me. I think that's one of the reasons I haven't felt like a REAL mom - it seems that gals are having baby showers left and right at church, and here I've had Little Guy for over two months, and no one has said a thing to me about having one. I know, it's my slefish side kicking in again (that side is so loud lately!). But like I told my husband, when people ignore the fact that I am a mom, just a different kind of mom, it validates my feelings that I'll never be a REAL mom. Am I making sense? Am I being overly emotion about all of this? I don't know. But it's good to cry it out!

Caretaker's Report to the Court

I stayed up late tonight getting my caretaker's report done for the review hearing on Monday. They sent the form as a hard copy, but not electronically, so I had to re-do everything on my computer, since they ask for it to be typed (who still has a typewriter?). Anyway, it's done. I managed to keep all opinions out of it, and only state the facts. I'm not sure how other states do it, but for me, in WA state, these were the topics I had to address:
Child's Physical Health (state results of medical/dental appointments)
Child's Emotional Health (appointment with counselor/therapist)
Child's Adjustment Today
Child's Visit with Parent(s)
Child's Adjustment with Peers
Child's Adjustment to Home
Special Problems
Special Hobbies/Interests, strengths
Thoughts on Department's Case Plan
They also say you are welcome to attach a current photo of the child, which is a great idea in my opinion. So often, these children are just numbers to all the attorneys, judges, commissioners, social workers, etc. So I made sure two very recent photos of Little Guy were printed on the bottom of my report. Now to just get it turned in at the courthouse. That's on the agenda for tomorrow.

3 months old today!

Little Guy is officially 3 months old today! However, due to his preemie status, he is 1 month old. But he’s getting so big! He’s up past 10 pounds, I’m sure, although he hasn’t been officially weighed since his doctor visit on the 14th. And he’s smiling more. I tried to get his 3-month pictures taken today, but when I arrived at Walmart, it was 10 minutes before they closed the photo studio for lunch, and I didn’t feel like wandering around Walmart for an hour. Little Guy fell asleep 15 minutes later anyway, so I guess it was best not to try and do pictures. I made an appointment for Friday, though, so we’ll try to get them done then.

Parents made it to the visit today. First thing mom said was that she had called on Monday to cancel the visit due to illness, but apparently the message never got to me. I’m not sure whether to believe her or not. I’m still not certain about her. I honestly tried to be pleasant, but I was so put off, it was hard. I’ve got to keep trying to put my feelings aside. Not an easy thing to do!

Our friends from church said they finally got their foster care license! Yay! I’ve been trying to give them all the ins and outs that I’ve learned since we started that isn’t taught in the classes. Hopefully we’ll be able to be a good support for one another.

Missed visit - GAL woes

I took Little Guy down to the DSHS offices for his normal Monday visit today, and parents never showed. Quite annoying. Ended up taking Little Guy to the office with me for a two-hour meeting. Luckily my boss is really understanding about everything, and he was fine with it. It’s not like I work a lot anyway – I just work extremely part time from home, but he needed to discuss a big project, so I went in to the office. Little Guy did well – ended up falling asleep halfway through the meeting, so that was good.

I got a call from the GAL later in the afternoon, asking how Little Guy was. I told her about the missed visit that morning. She was surprised. Apparently she had spoken to mom in the morning – mom had called her to ask her opinion about going to the visit, since she was still sick. The two decided it was probably best that she not go, but the GAL was surprised that she hadn’t called to cancel. She said she would have called me if she had known. I told her it was mom’s responsibility, not hers. Sometimes, I really think that the GAL is completely on mom’s side, without considering the best situation for Little Guy. It really frustrates me. I thought she was supposed to be fairly neutral, but it doesn’t feel like she is.

Cancelled Visit - good day of rest!

Today was supposed to be a visit day, but I got a call an hour before the visit stating that the mom had cancelled the visit – no reason given to me, but the assumption is she is sick. At least, that’s the benefit of the doubt that my husband is giving her. My selfish voice tells me that maybe she’s finally getting tried of the work and is giving up. It’s hard not to be selfish about wanting to keep Little Guy. We already love him so much! I’m so fearful that he will eventually go back to mom and dad. It truly turns my stomach, but I’m trying to trust that God’s will is being done!

We ended up staying in our jammies all day. Little Guy got back to his normal schedule of sleeping, and it’s been a really good couple of days. I think he’s finally through with the effects of his shots. Hallelujah!

Sleep - please sleep!

OK – today was a day from HELL! Little Guy barely slept last night, and then was awake at 7 am this morning. He had a visit today, and didn’t sleep at all during the visit (it’s from 10 – 12). I brought him home, and he was fussy, and still didn’t fall asleep until 1:20. And then he was back up at 2:00! He fell asleep again around 2:30, and I was exhausted, but I wasn’t sure how long he’d sleep, so I kept myself busy cleaning the kitchen until my hubby could get home. He got home around 3:15, and I lost it. I was so extremely tired I just cried like a baby! He sent me straight to bed! I ended up sleeping until 7 pm! I really needed that! Thank God for a great husbnad! He’s a definite keeper – and such a good daddy!