I had to turn in my Caretaker's Report to the court today. I cried all the way to the courthouse. I'm just so frightened that Little Guy will go back to his parents! I fell like WE are his parents, not them! I know, I know, I'm being selfish, but I can't help it! And of course, by the time my husband got home from work, he could tell I was upset, so that started a whole new cry session! Plus I've been feeling lately that I'm not a REAL parent, just a foster parent, which makes me even more emotional. Yikes - you would think it's that time of the month, but it's not forgoodness sake. I'm just an emotional basket case today! Please pray for strength and peace for me - I really, really need it!
On a somewhat good note, I went to a baby shower tonight for one of the gals in my church. She's just a couple years younger than me (I'll be 35 on April 25) and she's pregnant with her first child. She's had a hard time getting pregnant, too. I took Little Guy with me, and of course all the ladies just oohed and ahhed over him. And then a couple of the gals from church said, "how come there hasn't been a baby shower for you?" I just shrugged and said, "well, I'm not going to TELL someone they HAVE to have a shower for me." But one of the gals said, "well, if you can't, I certainly can!". So maybe they will have one for me. I think that's one of the reasons I haven't felt like a REAL mom - it seems that gals are having baby showers left and right at church, and here I've had Little Guy for over two months, and no one has said a thing to me about having one. I know, it's my slefish side kicking in again (that side is so loud lately!). But like I told my husband, when people ignore the fact that I am a mom, just a different kind of mom, it validates my feelings that I'll never be a REAL mom. Am I making sense? Am I being overly emotion about all of this? I don't know. But it's good to cry it out!
6 comments:
I'll be 35 on May 19th! I'll have to write about my night-of-crying soon - so true what you write about being afraid. I am getting terrified about Cookie going to someone else. I also understand about not feeling like a "real" mom. I ended up telling folks at church that I wanted to wait for a baby shower until we had TPR and had processed and submitted the adoption paperwork. I'm just so scared that some relative is gonna come out of the woodwork. WE too feel like her parents. I hope court goes well, and that God sends discernment to the presiding judge - that Little Guy will have you as his mom forever.
Thanks for the note and for the support. We're just getting ready to head out to drop Little Guy off at my grandma's so she can watch him while we are at court. I'll post an update when we get back.
You are a real mom- foster mom's have their baby's in their homes for a while, but in their hearts forever!! God is in control- trust that He is walking with you in this whole process. I can only imagine how hard it is.. hang in there!!! I am praying for you!
Thanks for your note, Julie. I really appreciate your sweet words and your encouragement. And thanks for the prayers - we need all the prayer warriors we can!
I think being a foster mom is a step above being a biological mother. After all, you are willing to give this baby your heart without knowing how it will all end up. You put yourself on the line for this child, just hoping for the opportunity to be his forever mommy. You're more than a mom, Meegan. QueenBee
You are such a real mom. You are doing a job that so many people cant do and that makes you more brave and loving. Now that is a true (real) Mom if you ask me!!! I just said good by to a temp placement on Monday...these kids may leave our homes but will remain in our hearts forever!!!
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