Unfortunately, now that I'm a foster mom, I'm learning more and more about mental illness and how it's caused and what it can do. Some mental illnesses are genetic, yet there is a lot of mental illness that is caused by trauma, and a lot of times, childhood trauma. A discussion recently held by my mom's group was in regard to Lisa Diaz and other moms who have drowned their children and pled insanity in their trials.
What takes places in a child's formative years - the first three - really shapes who that child will be as an adult. I'll bet if you look at some of the women - and men - who are committing heinous acts, you will find some sort of trauma or dysfunction in that person's life as a child. Did you know that if a child does not bond to at least one person before the age of 3, they will probably never be able to bond to anyone? At least, not without a lot of work by the caregiver and therapists. And not being able to bond to anyone causes incredible problems in life - termed "attachment disorder". One of the sites that talks about this says:
"Instead of learning to trust as the baby who experiences the Healthy Attachment Cycle, this baby learns that the world is an unsafe place, that he must take care of himself, that he can trust no one to meet his needs. He learns that he cannot depend on adults. Instead of trust developing, rage develops and is internalized. He learns that he must be in charge of his life for his very survival. Is it any wonder that a child with reactive attachment disorder feels the need to be in control? He thinks his very life depends on it." from the website: http://www.attachmentdisorder.net
Now, I'm not saying that everyone who kills children and pleads insanity has an attachment disorder, but it is possible. Before I was a foster mom, I would see these things happen in the news and think - how in the world can this happen? But as I learn more and more about the problems with parenting and mental illness, the more I am - I want to say sympathetic but I don't know if that's the word - towards these people. I truly think that no one gave them the help they needed at a young age. This is one of the reasons I am glad God directed us into foster care rather than regular adoption. There are currently over 900 children in my county in foster care right now, and it's not their fault. "We" as a community, must help these children. We must get them to a normal place in life, we must love them and support them. If we don't, our future is doomed.
OK - off my soapbox now. Back to your regular programming! Can you tell this is my pasion?
3 comments:
I think I get it.
I find I am less angry at the parents and more angry at a society that does not give support to parents without skills and resources.
It is not that I don't think the parents have responsibility, but at least in many cases, things would would have been different if there had been someone there to help them.
I cringe every time I hear a story on the news like that. It kills me.
I know this was written years ago but I am reading your blog from the archives and am obviously up to here :) I just wanted to comment in agreement about looking at things differently. I am not a foster or adoptive parent, nor do my 2 daughters have special needs, but I read that type of blog because I feel I want to have an understanding and have gained a sympathy for that type of mental illness because my infant daughter's dad is a sociopath (my opinion/diagnosis. I'll never understand the insanity that is sociopathy but it brings some awareness I suppose of why he is the way he is. One day I will have to explain to my daughter why she's never met her father, and blogs about foster care, adoption, attachment, and the effects of trauma help me ponder what how I'll explain.
Loving your blog so far, you come across here as very happy to have children in your home, they're fortunate to have you and your husband :)
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