Little Boys at Play

It's been awhile since I've updated my blog - just have been crazy busy with the boys and such. We also have our house on the market, so have been dealing with packing and cleaning and showing the house. No bites yet, but hopefully after the holidays we will be able to sell. We already know where we are moving to - a larger house with room for more children!

This picture of the boys is so typical of their play - they love to be in the kitchen with me, and they have their own cupboard of kitchen supplies to play with. Little Guy will be a year old soon, and Little Man is 21 moths old today. They play really well together. Little Man uses Little Guy for wrestling practice a lot, but they both enjoy it. Now that Little Guy is crawling, they like to chase each other through the house. Once Little Guy starts walking and running, it really will be crazy here!

Future Electronic Gurus

The boys are quickly learning how to push all the buttons on our cable box, DVD player and TV. Such little wonders! They especially love playing with it right in the middle of a show we are watching. Ah, boys! Always pushing buttons!

In the News - Parents Killing Children

Unfortunately, now that I'm a foster mom, I'm learning more and more about mental illness and how it's caused and what it can do. Some mental illnesses are genetic, yet there is a lot of mental illness that is caused by trauma, and a lot of times, childhood trauma. A discussion recently held by my mom's group was in regard to Lisa Diaz and other moms who have drowned their children and pled insanity in their trials.

What takes places in a child's formative years - the first three - really shapes who that child will be as an adult. I'll bet if you look at some of the women - and men - who are committing heinous acts, you will find some sort of trauma or dysfunction in that person's life as a child. Did you know that if a child does not bond to at least one person before the age of 3, they will probably never be able to bond to anyone? At least, not without a lot of work by the caregiver and therapists. And not being able to bond to anyone causes incredible problems in life - termed "attachment disorder". One of the sites that talks about this says:

"Instead of learning to trust as the baby who experiences the Healthy Attachment Cycle, this baby learns that the world is an unsafe place, that he must take care of himself, that he can trust no one to meet his needs. He learns that he cannot depend on adults. Instead of trust developing, rage develops and is internalized. He learns that he must be in charge of his life for his very survival. Is it any wonder that a child with reactive attachment disorder feels the need to be in control? He thinks his very life depends on it." from the website: http://www.attachmentdisorder.net

Now, I'm not saying that everyone who kills children and pleads insanity has an attachment disorder, but it is possible. Before I was a foster mom, I would see these things happen in the news and think - how in the world can this happen? But as I learn more and more about the problems with parenting and mental illness, the more I am - I want to say sympathetic but I don't know if that's the word - towards these people. I truly think that no one gave them the help they needed at a young age. This is one of the reasons I am glad God directed us into foster care rather than regular adoption. There are currently over 900 children in my county in foster care right now, and it's not their fault. "We" as a community, must help these children. We must get them to a normal place in life, we must love them and support them. If we don't, our future is doomed.

OK - off my soapbox now. Back to your regular programming! Can you tell this is my pasion?

Just how many children should we have?

Again, another discussion that was started in my mom's group. A very interesting one - I'm the only one in my mom's group that is a foster mom, and I don't think we have adoptive mom's in our group either. The discussion was - how many children to have and how to space them apart. Of course, my answer as very different than any of the other mom's.

For me, the situation is a bit different. I always wanted 3 children, a boy first then a girl, then another boy. Ah, best laid plans! After several years of marriage and trying to conceive, we found we were unable to have biological children. We were starting adoption procedures, and God really led us into foster care. And now, we have two little boys, 9-1/2 months apart, not "true" siblings. We are adopting the oldest one, and it looks to be headed the same way for the youngest. And now, the youngest has a "true" sibling on the way, a girl, due February, and we are told that we will be placed with that child as well. So before you know it, we have been graciously blessed with an immediate family. It's been lots of work, but so far, lots and lots of rewards. I am anxious for the little girl to come, because I'm seriously outnumbered by males!

As for more - well, we are ready to roll with whatever God gives us. "Our plan" is to have the first three kids into school, and then start with more foster-to-adopt children. While waiting for the first three to get into school, we will take in temporary placement foster children as needed. But of course, "God's Plan" will probably trump "our plan" so I'm just going to watch the picture unfold. Would I have planned to have my first 2 children 9-1/2 months apart? Probably not - it is a lot of work when they are that close yet not twins. Would I change it now? Nope - the boys bring so much joy to our lives! It's fun seeing how well they play together, and learn from each other (well, mostly the youngest learns from the oldest). And now, the little girl coming will have two big brothers to protect her. The two youngest will be just over a year apart - so we'll have 3 children under 2. Are we crazy? Probably! But we feel very blessed. As our friends say, be careful what you pray for, and how often! God has answered our prayers for children in a manner we never imagined!

Sleep, baby, sleep!

My mom's group has recently been discussing sleeping problems with children, so I thought I'd share here what I shared with them. I still don't have a clear cut answer, but it sure helps to talk about it!

We try to get both boys to bed no later than 8 pm each night. Some nights it's earlier, depending on the day (on parent visit days, it's sometimes 7:00 bedtimes!). And my rule is that no child is out of bed until 7 am. Both kids will wake up before 7, but they usually just chatter or sing to themselves until I get them out of bed at 7. Little Man, our almost 20 month old, sleeps through the night pretty well. He sometimes wakes up at 5 or 5:30 in the morning, but I think it's because he hears Daddy getting ready for work, and then wants a ba-ba. But for the most part, he'll sleep until 6:30 or so. Little Guy, our 10-1/2 month old, is another story. Because of foster care rules, he is currently sleeping in our room - he has to be on the same floor as us, and since we only have our bedroom on the second floor, he sleeps in our room in his own crib. I think this is one of the reasons why he is not sleeping through the night. I wake at the slightest sound, so I'm always waking when he talks in his sleep. When he does wake, I've been trying to let him fuss, then cry, it out, but that's been difficult. Currently, he's had two bottom teeth come up, and now 2 or 3 top teeth are coming down. He's congested and snuffly, I think mostly due to the teething, but he also has a slight cold. So I think he's having a hard time breathing good at night. The last two nights he's woken up about every two hours, which is a nightmare for me! My lovely husband has this ability to sleep hard, and not really hear the baby unless he's really crying hard. Me, on the other hand - I wake when he rolls over it seems! I told my husband last night - I just want one or two nights where I can sleep for 6 hours at a time before the new baby comes! Pray that it happens!

And he's off!

Little Guy started crawling on October 29, and now he's getting very fast! I put him down on the floor, and zoom - off he goes! It's so fun to watch him. Little Man likes to run through the house, and now Little Guy can crawl after him. They giggle while doing it, and its such a fun sound to hear!

Court Hearing for Little Guy

Today we had another court hearing for Little Guy. As expected, not a whole lot was decided at this point. The parents still have another 3 months to get their act together. The commissioner ordered that a permanency planning hearing be scheduled for February 2007, at which time he will decide if Little Guy is to stay with us or to return home. Right now, the social worker is asking for termination of parental rights, based on actions of the parents up to this point. The parents have not maintained 100% visitation as ordered by the court, nor have they completed all of the other services ordered by the court (i.e. drug testing, parenting classes, drug abuse support groups, counseling, etc.). The commissioner stated to the parents today that due to their lack of participation in court ordered services/visits, Little Guy does not know his birthparents and has bonded and attached to us as his parents. He told them that they have some very hard decisions to make regarding Little Guy, and that they will have to sacrifice some things if they want to have him returned to their home. He finished by saying that they need to show 100% compliance in all visits/services from now on in order to even have the chance to have Little Guy returned to them.

The social worker for the case spoke with the parents about the option of an open adoption, in which they would be able to see Little Guy once or twice a year, and get letters, cards, & photo updates about him. At this time, they have not made a decision one way or another, but I believe the social worker is going to continue talking with them about this option and how it may be in their best interest.

Little Guy's mom is pregnant again, and is due on February 7 with a little girl. That was actually Little Guy's due date last year, but he was born on December 29. We are fully expecting that she will have the baby early, probably in January, and at this time, the social worker is pushing to have this one placed in our home as well. Again, a lot will rest on what the parents decide to do over the next 3 months.

Little Man is doing good - he has been with us for 5 months now. He still has visits with his birthmom, but we are hoping that those will end before Christmas. The termination of parental rights has been submitted to the courts, but a date for the hearing has not been set yet. Visits will continue until the time of termination, and right now he is really struggling on visit days. The older he gets, the more he is able to differentiate between the mom he sees twice a week versus the mom and dad he lives with. It's getting harder on him, especially with some of the stress that transfers during the visits. Once the termination is done, we can start the adoption paperwork. But we are thrilled to have him in our home, and we know that someday soon he will truly be our son, officially! He is eating pretty good, and really likes his veggies! He has about 30 words right now, although he seems to be dropping the ending consonants on most of them. He loves to climb on top of everything, and he really enjoys sitting in the lid drawer in the kitchen. He is 19-1/2 months old and about 26 pounds - and a very SOLID 26 pounds - my husband is sure he will be a football player!

Little Guy is growing by leaps and bounds. He has one tooth all the way up (bottom left), one tooth 1/4 of the way up (bottom right) and two top teeth have broken the surface of his gums. Add to this a slight cold, and the poor guy has a constantly runny nose! He seems to be able to hear us pull the kleenex from the box, and knows we are soon to come wipe his nose. Not his favorite thing! He is crawling now, just started this last Sunday. And he's getting very quick! It doesn't take him long to go from our living room to the kitchen, and he seems to really enjoy hanging out under the dining room table! We know he wants to just run after Little Man, so I expect that very soon he will be pulling himself up on the furniture. He is 10 months old and about 16 pounds, but not quite as solid as Little Man. He still seems like a feather to me compared to Little Man. It's hard to remember the time when we brought him home and he was only 5 pounds. It seems like ages ago! For me, when I look at his feet, that's where I can see the growth. And his hair! It's still red, but not as coppery, starting to turn blonde in some spots. And it's so curly! I can almost get it into an afro look sometimes, especially freshly dried after a bath! He and Little Man play really well together, and they enjoy making each other laugh. I hope that they get to continue growing up together!

To add to everything else going on at this time of year, we are getting ready to put our house on the market and move to a bigger house. We are not 100% sure of the house we are moving to, but right now we are seriously looking at and talking with the owners of a house that has 5 bedrooms as opposed to our current 3. This will give us plenty of room for children!

That's all for now. I wish I could be more consistent with keeping my blog updated, but with two little ones mobile now, it's harder and harder to get time to myself. Especially now that I have to pack up and get ready for a move! Yikes!

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween from the boys! Little Man went as a Lion and Little Guy went as Tigger. We had a busy day. First, trickor-treating with Moms Club at a retirement center, followed by a small party with the group. Then out to my mom's to pick her up for her therapy appt. Then Little Man had a visit with his bio-mom for trick-or-treating at an area mall. Then we took both boys to our church for a Harvest Party. Plus, it was Daddy's birthday. So, it was a busy day, but lots of fun. Our first Halloween with children - what a fun time!

My kind of coffee

You are a Black Coffee

At your best, you are: low maintenance, friendly, and adaptable At your worst, you are: cheap and angsty You drink coffee when: you can get your hands on it Your caffeine addiction level: high

What Kind of Coffee Are You?

Tigger Tail

Just had to post another picture! This is of Little Guy playing in his Tigger Jump-Up. He really enjoys this. And it's so stinkin' cute how the little tail on the backside sticks out!